Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Calling "Been There Done That" Mom's of Adopted Toddlers!
I will admit I have a stack of "Adopting Toddler" books on my night stand. The reality is I don't know if they will get read until I am sitting on the plane for 24 hours... So, while I wait for the news that our TA has landed on US soil, I am reaching out to the expert Mom's here. Those of you who have BTDT (been there done that) and adopted a 3-5 year old from China.As most of us know, Sienna will come to us with no chance to "date us" first. She will arrive to an impersonal Civil Affairs office, after driving 2 hours to Changsha with people she probably doesn't know. She will leave her precious foster Mother that has loved her since the day she was born. She may come with only the clothes on her back. She will be "handed off" to complete strangers who so desperately want her to know she is going to be safe and loved... On one level I do understand this "rip the bandaid off" approach that China has chosen for their orphans. But, I know that nothing can prepare me for what she may experience emotionally within the first 24-72 hours of being with us. My prayer is that God will meet us in that room, and that He will equip us to meet her right where she is. We do want her to grieve. It's healthy, and it says a lot about her ability to attach to us down the road. But, it will still break my heart in to a million pieces when/if it happens. As a Mom, of course I want my new daughter to love me/us. But, I have watched many adoption journeys where one of us will be rejected. I am just praying that will not happen. Praying that her foster Mom has been preparing her as much as one can for this day. And, telling her that she will be safe and loved. From the photos we have received, we know that Sienna Grace knows she is getting a forever family. There are no words to express our thankfulness for that.
So, I reach out to you BTDT Mom's for advice. Anything and everything you feel comfortable sharing that may help Jeff, Ainsley and I make this transition as easy as we can for our new daughter and sister. Things you brought with you, bonding techniques, what you did when you were in the trenches and desperate.... In advance, I thank you!
I think the books on my nightstand are a wonderful way to prepare for what is to come. But, I also know many of you here could have written them. I hope you will take the time to share!
Blessings from The Waiting Mom!
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31 comments:
I will say for us even though Kamryn was 6 when we adopted her the rest of our girls were 2 and under what helped most was us actually going back to basics and all though we knew she could comb her hair for instance and wanted to we insisted on helping her, we helped her do everything we could just as we did with our younger daughters, even if she insited on doign it we helped her. Kamryn true nature is to shy away from affection and stand back so we really had to intiate holding hands and hugs for awhile but know she comes up out of no where to get a hug. I would say for us a real ice breaker was taken games that we both could play, Kamryn loves her DS player and loved the dvd players. take lots of photos to share which I know you will. Kamryn still loves her photo books. I will say out of all 5 of our adoptions Kamryns adjustment was the hardest by far, but she has made great progress. She has taught me alot as well. Can't wait to hear you have TA.
Bella was three months shy of 3 years old when I brought her home. Like you, I had a nightstand stacked with all "the" books recommended. But none of them prepared me for what I experienced. I was hoping for the grieving....knowing all too well that it was supposed to be a sign of healthy attachment eventually. (Althouth truth-be-told, Vivi, my first adoption at 12 months old never cried and has a super healthy attachment to us.) Bella cried for about 2 hours and then totally shut down. Having Vivi with me (then 2 years old) was the only thing that made the trip survivable for me! I did everything the books said....held her, did everything for her, etc. but I truly wasn't prepared for a child that never connected to me at all in China. Now four years later, we still struggle with the attachment stuff. The one thing that Bella lived for in China was food....so I made sure there was never a shortage of food; lots of it at mealtimes and always snacks. Prepare for the hardest days of your life and be pleasantly surprised for anything better than that!!
I have adopted 3 times from China. The first time a 4.5 year old girl, this last and latest time a 5 year old boy a 4 year old boy.
The first time was not so hard, she came to us pretty willingly and what we found that worked best with her was BUBBLES! She loved em! Broke the ice and we were all jumping around catching them! As the days went on there weren't any real challenges besides the "fitting" over everything. My only advice on that is to "jump" on it from the start waiting to get home like we did the first time seemed to confuse her, we did it different the second time :) Getting a hold of it from the start made attaching and trusting easier, in my opinion.
The second trip was different because we brought home 2 kids. However I will mention our 4 year old son who was with his foster parents since he was 9 months old. He grieved hard. He screamed and pushed away from us, yelling I want to go home, I want my Mama, obviously not me! If you can, get your guide to mention to her she can have 2 mamas, and that is ok. Our guides in China would NOT do this, they felt it was confusing and it would hurt him. I can tell you we have been home just over a month with him and he now knows enough English for me to to tell him this. You should have seen the smile on his face when I told him that. I told him he didn't have to choose between us, he could love us both and some day if he want to go back and see his foster family, that is ok with us! I think that in China they make it a firm, now this is your mama and baba, go and be happy. I think these kids need to know they don't have to choose. Once he understood that, he was a different boy, happy and just more himself.
Everything else just fell into place, he has been so easy going and we know how well he was loved, he grieved the first night just sobbing and crying, it was heartbreaking, but honestly I knew it was good. He let me sit by him and touch his leg! I took what I could get.
You will do fine. Trust your mommy intuition and the ONE who lives in you. The ONE who got you to this point for her, will take you all the way through, I am sure of it!
Have to make this quick as I am on my planning period, but I wish someone would have shared some things with us prior to "Paige Day" :)
She was a toddler at adoption and had lived with her LOVING foster family for 2.5 years. Diana, I am not going to tell you that it is going to easy (it could be for you guys and I pray that God allows an easy transition), but ours was TOUGH!
Paige would ONLY sleep on a pallet right beside the door every night for 10 nights crying for her mamama. We made a pallet right beside her and rubbed her back when she'd allow us to or humm softly. It was heartbreaking.
She came to us NOT on a bottle, but per our pediatrician's request (thank God for him) we put her back on one, even though she was old enough to feed herself. We cradled her and fed her a bottle and would look in her eyes (if she allowed it). She resisted at first, but eventually began to love it. (She took a bottle until she 4.5...but you know what, who cares? She was secure and happy and after all, isn't that all that matters?)
Stacking cups are a must, cheerios, stickers, bandaids (to play pretend doctor...that was a hit by week 2), coloring books and crayons.
Another great bonding technique is to meet her every need, such as feeding her the first few days (if she allows it) so she knows you are there to care for her survival, etc...
It will all work out the way God has intended on it too. The blessing is, we had many bumps along the way, but Paige is THE happiest, most fun-loving, secure little girl in the world. It took time, but I have no doubt if you are to be in the same boat, that your precious family can't handle it with grace and love!
I will pray for you all and can't wait to follow along!!! God bless!
No advice -- but I will be praying for you all -- especially Sienna.
I have never posted before, but your blog is listed under my favorites! Your daughters are beautiful, your pictures are amazing, and you are such a gifted writer. There is no doubt in my mind that Sienna will feel your love and know that you are her family on adoption day. This has been orchestrated by God and He will not let you down. Of course, bubbles, candy, etc are all good too! We brought our daughter Sophie with us who was then 8 years old and she was a huge help! She absolutely loved China and bonded so well with Cate. Best wishes on this great journey! Love, Kim
Hi Diana,
I am so glda you asked this on your blog cause I too want to know what to expect and what to take ot help Jon Jon with this transition.
I am so glad your TA is on the way!!! YAHOO.... LEt me know as soon as it lands! Hope to see you in Changsha if not GZ for coffee at Starbucks. Of course I am being selfish and would love more time together!
Big hugs and blessings!
Jody
Hey friend...thanks for checking in on us and praying for Hudson...he is doing well!!
Hudson was only 2 1/2 but I will never forget the fear and sadness and at times the pure anger when he was given to us. Watching him playing in his nanny's arms so oblivious to "us" and then watching her run out of the room and fall to a heap on the floor while he struggled to get away from us was SO hard. HOW do you explain to a child who doesn't understand you HOW MUCH you love them? He had been our son we had been dreaming of for 2 years and he had never given us a thought. He wouldn't let us touch him for the first hour or so but finally did cling on to me when a major blow out required a bath because he was terrified of the water (which we were trying to avoid the first night). He did reject Mark and Jordan holding him for the remainder of the two weeks in China but you could see him slowly coming around. Mark said one day "he won't let me hold him but you can tell he gets I play a major role". I am sure you remember the picture of him holding Mark's finger...Hud reached out for him on his own, way before he would let him hold him. We didn't push anything...even when I was the ONLY one he would let hold him, carry him, etc. I STILL deal with a bad hip from carrying him around China as he also refused a stroller. We felt like gaining his trust meant not pushing anything.
The best advice I EVER got was from Mark who's own experience was our best point of reference. Mark was almost 9 when the Teagues brought he and David home. He said "I was SO excited to have a family but SO afraid that I would do something that would cause them to stop loving me"....he told me how he lived in a place of "in between" for a long time.....grateful and so happy and yet so afraid...we learned years later that children in his situation typically deal with that one of two ways....they are super compliant and sensitive OR push the limits constantly, seeing just how much it will take for that family to give up on them....he was the first child and his younger brother David, the second. They were little older than SIenna but it is something I think about often. There are times I can see that same look in Hudson's face/eyes as I did that night we got him....that fear of "is this it???" it still breaks my heart. I was also given the advice from others to be sure and let Mark and I be the caregivers....I sort of thought I would let the kids do whatever if Hudson responded to them better but obviously when I had it explained to me that he needed to know we were the caregivers and not the kids it made sense. The girls did get their feelings hurt by him at times when he rejected them or chose one of them over the other...he still does this..... Just prepare Ainsley for that...I am sure Sienna will adore both her sisters.
I had a friend call me from China crying because her son was rejecting her horribly while there....when I told Mark he said "it CANT be about us....you have to put yourself in their shoes".....I KNOW you and so I know you guys will do great, trusting Him to give you what she needs...I have NO doubt about that!!!
Finally....WHAT A JOY it has been to adopt an older child (although still such a baby) because it has given us SUCH insight into what God did for us...loving us way before we knew Him, pursuing us, finally adopting us even thought we push away and don't trust and have no idea what lies ahead for us as His children...we learn to trust, little by little....day by day.....and HE stays through it all, whispering I LOVE YOU, TRUST ME and so many times we don't understand what He is saying to us.....If only everyone could experience it!!!
I am a close friend of Kristin (Zoe's Mama), we brought Claire home when she was 5 1/2 (Beijing)and our initial transition was difficult. She fought any contact, and it broke my heart. We brought our then 10 year old daughter with us, and she is the one Claire went to first. The ice breaker for us was tiny little lip glosses I had been given from Avon. Claire absolutely loved them, and would allow me to put them on....she loves anything 'pretty'...chapsticks, bows, headbands. She also loved looking at photos with us, and she sat on my lap when I was updating our blog to look at the photos from the day. She transitioned quickly after the first 5 hours, but, I can truly say you need to prepare your heart for the worst. She didn't let Steve touch her (without screaming, that is) for the first 4 days. Now, she is funny, and cute, and loves cuddling.... Good luck, I will be thinking of you! ~Eileen
I do not have any advice - but you guys are in my prayers and you should know that God and all of us on your "adoption journey" with you will be with you in that room praying you, Jeff, Ainsley and Sienna on:)
Blessing (and crossing fingers for a TA this week)! Ashley
Di,
I looks like you have gotten some GREAT advice. All I can offer you is my prayers and my love and my shoulder and you have all of them until the end of time.
Like others have said. I know you and I know God has given you exactly what you need to face this chapter.
Love,
Kim
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you embrace this journey! Thank you for sharing this momentous time in your life with us!
Diana,
My 2 cents...(as a biological mom to a 5 year old daughter with special needs and as a waiting mom to be (NSN LID 7/22/2009 ;-)
1. Continue to pray for strength, guidance, and peacefulness to guide you through Sienna's transition into your family.
2. Trust your instincts. And, as you've previously stated, aim to let Sienna be your guide.
3. And, last but not least, don't spend too much time getting yourself worked up over what may or may not happen in your family's own experience. - "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it!"
After a year and a half I have only watched Emanuiel's adoption video twice because seeing how upset he was breaks my heart. We thought he would be taken from his foster family a few weeks before we arrived, we find out that he was with them up until the morning we met him at the Cival Affairs office. He cried and screamed and pushed us away. He was so sad, afterwards we went back to the hotel and played with bubbles. He finally smiled (take lots of them). That night when it was time to go to bed he climbed over in his little crib and cried silent tears while I rubbed his hands. It was heart wrenching. We were so blessed to have Clara Beth with us, he took to her immediately and called her his Mei Mei (this is what he still calls her) She was the one that he loved being with. He was three and a half at the time and so very independent. In no time at all he was laughing, running and playing. He is such an affectionate little boy always full of kisses and hugs. He told me the other day when we watched his video together that he didn't want to go back to China , he wanted to stay with us forever. I assured him that he was with us forever and that one day we would go back to visit but he would always be my little boy. He gave me one of his big smiles and a really wet kiss. It may be hard at times but God will see you through. I'll email you soon with some other thoughts too long to post here.
Blessings,
Robin
Diana, I've never met you but I just like you:) What a great mother to try and learn from other's experiences. Ainsley was 2 1/2 when we met her (I know you said 3 -5 but I can never keep my mouth shut:)! The biggest surprise for us was the length of time that Ainsley grieved. I was prepared for a few rough days but I was not prepared for weeks and weeks of grieving and months and months of rejecting her father. She "bonded" with me but looking back I would say it was only because she was smart enough to realize she needed one adult in her court. I would say it took her almost a full year to fully accept her daddy. He is such a GREAT father and so good with children that we were just shocked. It was painful for him but he was patient and I was so proud of how he handled the experience. He would have her do "fun things" with him (like water the grass:) that would allow them to be together but not touching! It was slow but she now loves us equally. Tonight I tucked her in and she said "Mommy, tell Daddy to come tuck me in. I had one tuck but I need two". From reading your blog, I can tell that you will be just fine. Your daughters are blessed to have such caring and praying parents. I can't wait to read about your journey. I will be praying for you all. Take care!
Oh, one other thing to possibly be prepared for- RAGE. When we got home we had two MAJOR rage episodes. Thrashing, wailing, biting.... RAGE. Each lasted for an hour. I tried to hold her but literally was not strong enough. I put her on the floor and stayed as close as I could as she thrashed on the floor (heartbreaking). Those two were the worst episodes. She continued to throw fits but they have really subsided over the months. My girl is still strong willed but can now usually control her temper and make choices before reacting. I'm so proud of how far she's come and feel so blessed that God has allowed me to be her mother:)
Dear Diana,
I have never commented before, but have followed your blog for quite some time. Congratulations on your newest little one.
We adopted our Hadley three years ago- she was 35 months old the day we met her. The day we met was very hard- she was so scared. I was so worried about her that my husband and I forgot about recording this time and just wanted to attend to her needs, so we have very few pictures and no video of our first meeting. In hindsight, I wish we would have been more clear with our guide to help in taking video/photos for us as we were not in a group because she was a waiting child.
We did so much research before we met her! We were prepared on the attachment front (we regressed her and when she was seen by Deborah Gray after a year home she told us she was beautifully attached!), we prepared in regard to her special need, we had practiced and prepared to use baby sign (she was speaking English by the time we left China), we knew she might attach to only one of us at first (my husband for three solid days), what we didn't prepare for was the sleep issues we faced. She had terrible night terrors for months and honestly, would not sleep. I wish I was prepared more for that. I read a few books after we got home and with advice from our ped. who is an International Adoption Specialist, we worked through them. She still has a tough time with sleep, but not to the extent she did the first year home. Dr.Davies and Dr. Bledsoe at the University of Washington have a lovely website (adoptmed.org) with great sleep resources. They are our pediatricians and we can't say enough good about them.
Last but not least, are food issues. Hadley was HUNGRY! Dr. Davies told us before we left, she might eat more than a grown man when you first meet her. Let her eat when and as much as she needs to- give her good food and don't worry, she'll work it out. We took his advice and have avoided any food issues. She needed to learn that food was plentiful and that we would provide it whenever she needed it. There were times I was afraid she'd be sick, but she worked through it. It helped with trust and bonding as well.
My very best to you and your family.
Antinette
Beau was 7 when we adopted him. Having Zoe with us was probably the best thing we could have done for him. We took backpacks with us filled with things he could understand. Cars, crayons and paper for drawing, fruit snacks ,raisins, juice boxes. Beau took to all of us rather quickly but Zoe most of all. Two weeks after we got home was when he finally had his meltdown. He started crying out of the blue and saying "Wo bo ey ni" (i don't love you) over and over. Fred just held him tightly and wouldn't let him go even though Beau was struggling. Fred just kept repeating "Wo ey ni,, Mama ey ni, Zoe ey ni... I love you, mama loves you, Zoe loves you. It took about an hour til he finally calmed down. He is doing amazingly well now.
He tells us he loves us probably 101 times a day!! :o)
Ok - my first thoughts were pretty similar to what Missy said about Paige & bonding. Mya was too "old" to be put back on a bottle and she wouldn't have taken one anyways. We were NOT very creative in our bonding theories. ALl of the things I had read about bonding were eye contact when you feed them, physical touch, feeding them the bottle, etc. All things that Mya was either too old for or refused (because she was so WILD!) And she did NOT make eye contact with us. And she ran...a lot.
I don't know if Sienna will be spoiled. But that's what comes to my mind when I think of our first weeks with Mya. It became blatantly clear that her Chinese foster family let her run the show (at 3!)After talking with a Chinese friend, I guess that's common - normal - and they DO spoil their little emperors/empresses!
All of that to say, be prepared to be creative with your bonding techniques. Mya wore me out so completely within the first few hours that if she wanted to go to the bathroom by herself, I let her! If she wanted to sleep on the floor by herself (which she did - she refused to get IN the bed) - then I let her. I was so tired. In hindsight, I regret not crawling on the floor close to her. Not sitting on the floor of the bathroom while she went & making eye contact with her.I was so delighted that she was so "independent" and mature. I figured I had just "lucked" out.
It took months after we got home to get it through her head that we weren't going anywhere and that *I* was her MOM and if she needed something she needed to get it from ME.
I say it took months, because, really, I so enjoyed the independence for several WEEKS after we got home. She went to bed on her own, she pottied on her own, washed herself, etc. After I got over being so "grateful" for her independence I felt sad that she didn't "need" me. Not sad in a way that I need to be needed, but sad in the way that she grew, at 3 years old, to count on herself.
I think she finally "knows" and she has become your typical preschooler, "MOOOOOMMMM - I NEED this, can you get me that?!?!" I am thrilled that she knows she is the child, I am the Mom. Like I said, it was hard because of her past & (obviously) they lived differently then we do! We have to give them that transition time - which I believe can take as long as they were apart from us. But that doesn't mean it has to be difficult or hard. For the most part, we have enjoyed every day of our transition
:-)
The far best thing I found to do with our then 35-month-old DD was to stand in front of the hotel room mirror. Actually she stood and I knelt just behind her. that the ONLY WAY I could get very close and make eye contact. We fixed each other's hair (hers was very short but I got teeny ponytail holder at the dollar store and they are used for AA babies to make all of their ponytails!). DD would fix my hair too!
Also, she loved playdoh and we would do that together. I would "accidentally" touch her hand while inspecting her creations. She was very standoffish to me as she was fiercely loyal to her ayi, but these little things went a long way.
Bubble were OK for her. I also made a big deal about laying out 2 outfits and letting her choose. Then I would help her get dressed.
To this day, we are still working on bonding and attachment. I HIGHLY recommend babying your DD as much as possible. We give DD a bottle (I know some will think that ridiculous for a 4YO), but it is great for bonding and helping their brains become rewired.
CARRY, CARRY, CARRY her once she lets you that close (if she doesn't at first). Oh and if she thrashes when you try to hold her, try putting her on your shoulders. This worked for me. It was close but not too close for DD's comfort and she thought it was great fun!
In China, I didn't push DD much. Once home, then we got more serious and did holding and all of that. In China, I tried to meet her where she was. We also were very clear to family and friends once home that no one was to hold, feed, etc. with DD except us, me and DH. That was it. I think a lot of people make that mistake and it causes issues later.
Diana,
I once read something in an attachment book that stuck with me. It suggested dressing a newly-adopted child like her new siblings. The idea is the same as wear a team jersey. When you put on the shirt, you're part of the team. It's a very visual statement.
I purposefully dressed our girls alike for awhile, even though they came to us together, because I wanted them to get that they were a team. And it's funny because to this day they will often tell me, "Mom, we're a team!"
I know Ainsley probably doesn't want to match a four-year old but maybe you can find some "non-baby" clothes that they both can wear or maybe you could even just put them in the same color.
Just a thought.
Kristi
Diana,
One other thought . . . maybe you could get all three girls a matching backpack or matching shoes or a special matching bracelet or necklace. Something that can identify them all as "part of the team."
Diana,
You've had such lovely advice, and I wanted to add on to what some others have said about bonding and regressing. Hadley was three, but we really treated her like a much younger child and did a lot of nurturing that you would do with an infant- peek-a-boo, finger songs, where's your belly-button, etc. We too re-introduced a bottle and we were the only ones to meet her needs for the first six months (no one else even held her for that period) and we carried or held her constantly- she was more than able to feed herself, but we insisted she sit on one of our laps and the other fed her. It really really helped with bonding and I think that is why she is so beautifully attached.
I'm sorry to take us so much space, but I keep thinking of things. One thing that would set off tantrums was noise- Hadley was super overwhelmed when we were out and about. Our ped. theorized that due to her heart condition she was probably kept in a lot and was not experienced with processing noise, light and commotion they way we do. I remember taking her to Target the second week home and the poor little thing just melted down screaming- it was huge sensory over-load for her. We backed off outings for quite awhile and gradually introduced her to things. I am proud to say that she is now a champion Target shopper, pops right in, heads to Starbucks for her vanilla milk and then is ready to shop!
Best,
Antinette
Diana,
Can't find your email address as I was going to comment privately. Pls email me...I'd love to talk with you.
Hugs,
Tam
My Shayla was 3 1/2 on our first family day. I had read many blogs and asked for advise from BTDT mom's also. I was prepared for a rough time but it never came. My daughter was never in foster care so that is a big difference. Her orphanage was very small and they prepared her well. She came in and had her picture book we sent her. The nanny's kept pointing to the pictures and then to me and saying "Mama." She came right to me. The thing that connected us to each other right at the start was taking her picture. She loved to see herself in the view screen. She would smile and point at herself and us.
It's been 2 1/2 years and I now realize Shayla is very outgoing and loves to meet people and talk. Still loves to have her picture taken. She loves life and I am just amazed at how she see things.
I think finding something like everyone has mentioned that they love and enjoy doing is a good start. Being prepared for the worst.
I hope your TA comes soon. We will be praying for all of you and for Sienna.
Blessings for a safe travel!!!! So very exciting!!! You must be bouncing off the walls...I so remember that feeling : )
Well I won't even pretend to have first hand advice. I pray a thousand times a day though that I will one day be in your shoes. But I do have a possible idea that would be easy to pack. Do you have a photo of her with her foster mother? If so, what about transfering that image (they make iron on paper that works with home printers or you can go to Kinkos) to a pillowcase. Maybe place that image in the center and then on one side an image of you and your hub and the girls on the other side. She can sleep each night with her entire family- including her foster mother- and hopefully feel safe seeing her image next to her forever family too. You could just bring the case and slip it on the hotel pillow to make for lighter travel. Keeping y'all in my prayers!
Hi. been gone for quite some time. I will cover you in prayer. First and foremost, be covered in prayer. Cover your self, cover your child. And it looks ;o) like your friends are covering you. Ask for prayer from everyone! Ask them for specifics and ask them to pray for what they are led to pray for.
We have four children, 3 adopted from China. Our two boys were toddlers (Daniel 34 mos and Drew 27 mos). I think everyone has great advice and just about covered it all. I also wanted to point out, it may just depend a little on personality. We, as parents can do everything the text book say and the child can still be emotionally broken. We could do nothing and the child be emotionally intact (well, you know what I mean.. just bond easier than the average joe). Whoknows why one does and why one doesn't.
on our second go around with the boys we certainly did do some things different and life has turned out much different. However, the boys are completely different. the second child is very laid back, take life as it comes. The first, always feels someone gets more. Both boys are extremely sweet, caring and loving- but it hasnt always been that way. I rocked the second to sleep, he slept in my room for months (in a bed beside our bed) after arriving home, ect.. but the maturity level was different as well. The first was bathing himself, fluent in Chinese lang to the point of correcting mine!, completely dressing and feeding self, could practically do most anything. We did convert bathing back to our job, and helping with dressing ect. We had to find what made him tick. books. I could pull him on my lap with books.
In China, we brought stickers and blank notebooks - let them peel and stick to their hearts content. also blow up beach balls. kick out energy, little cars and cars that went on their own. small playdoh, bubbles. and a wrist to wrist leash(i guess it really is different for boys !! hahaha but if anyone is going for boys - there you go! I did hold the first but he just wants to go go go (and he was HEAVY)so walking was good. the second couldn't walk as much (clubfeet) so holding was easy -plus he was tiny/light and we used no stroller with him.
we always let the child coming home stay up 1/2hour later than rest of kids when home for first year. that allows bonding just with mom and dad at night to unwind and chill. it has always been a very special time for us. our other kids have a structured bedtime (730/8pm depending on age) so it still allows time for us as a couple and its not late for young ones. When they are sleeping in our room we usually go up and hang in our room read books, quiet play ect. they fall asleep. We haven't had sleep issues with any of our kiddos.
everything else was already mentioned so I wont re-mention it.
lots of good stuff.
oh, both boys cried when introduced. first one harder (in foster care and in therapy here in US). second one less (he is the more take life as it comes and much easier bonded)
food was key. lollipops helped in both cases to stop the tears.
LAVISH the LOVE as Christ loves you. love the unloveable- get out of the flesh and remember that they are children of God just as you are. the hard lesson I learned with my 3rd child.
God will not leave you. Keep your eyes focused.
I have no advice, I have not been there, hwoever, I do have plenty of prayers and will be keeping your family lifted high!
Our love to your whole gang...we are so excited for you!
xo
Heather
Oh Diana, I was reading another comment about food and wanted to second it. Ainsley did not eat much at all in China but when we got home she went CRAZY!!!! I let her have whatever, whenever and as much as she wanted. One morning she ate 6 pieces of sausage, toast and orange juice. I wondered where it all went. This lasted for about 6 months and she did plump up for a time! She has been home for a year and a half and she now eats normally. She is getting lean again and learning to listen to her body.
Love your blog and your journey...
As a "BTDT" Mom, I suggest this book, Toddler Adoption - The Weaver's Craft, Mary Hopkins-Best, as a great resource on your bookshelf (nightstand at this time :)).. In addition as adoptive parents to our daughter who was 18months at gotcha day, we prepared for a 'tough' transition but were pleasantly surprised at a 'smooth' transition. Our daughter grieved by crying quietly and putting her down.. We just allowed her that quiet time by holding her closely.. This allowed us insight into her personality too.. To this day she cries quietly when upset..
Enjoy the blessed journey!! All the best to you and your beautiful family.. Sincerely, Kathy
www.amigrace.blogspot.com
Zoe was 3 and 1/2 when we met in China 2 years ago. It was a dream transition.3 year old girls are the same no matter where they are.They smile when they are happy and let you know when they are not. Dolls,stacking cups even at this age were great. Her favorites were play cell phone and the real camera.I would suggest that you try to keep up her Chinese when you get home although that is not easy.We were not able to as Zoe seem to have a fear of all things Chinese when we returned.. except the food.One time when we had been home only a week or so we ate at the Chinese restaurant and the Grandma said something in Chinese to Zoe and she burst into tears. Innocent I am sure but people even making comments such as I want to take you home can really mess a little one up. We did not shelter her from meeting people and she has been the happiest kid 98% of the time the other 2% could scare anyone.Especially fun when she would yell at us in Chinese most likely a good thing we couldn't understand.Good luck and have a great time.. peace and happiness Bonnie